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Red Skelton



 
 
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  #1  
Old February 28th 19, 02:37 AM posted to microsoft.public.windowsxp.general
Andy[_16_]
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Posts: 337
Default Red Skelton



For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more...

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.

She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off..

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'

The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her..

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word.
10 Comments

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  #2  
Old February 28th 19, 09:32 AM posted to microsoft.public.windowsxp.general
J. P. Gilliver (John)[_4_]
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Posts: 2,679
Default Red Skelton

In message , Andy
writes:


For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will
enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you
missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great
entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known
for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once
more...

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

[]
the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word.
10 Comments

but it was acceptable to recycle old jokes about female stereotypes.

And before you dismiss me as a boring feminist or PC-er: yes, some of
them _did_ make me smile. I just don't think they can be held up as an
example of a lost golden age: they're an example of when social
attitudes were _different_. (I don't like the four letter word comedians
either - but not _all_ modern comedians use that. The _better_ ones
don't find it necessary.)

Incidentally: what has any of this to do with Windows XP?

JPG
---


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How about a three-way referendum with second choices being taken into account?
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I'm the oldest woman on primetime not baking cakes.
- Anne Robinson, RT 2015/8/15-21
  #3  
Old March 1st 19, 07:10 PM posted to microsoft.public.windowsxp.general
PeterG[_2_]
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Posts: 3
Default Red Skelton

On 2/27/2019 5:37 PM, Andy wrote:


For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more...

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.

She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?'

The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word.
10 Comments


Old Clem Kadiddlehopper. Jokes 7 and 12 were my favorites, but I liked
them all. Jay Leno made a career out of telling clean jokes, and he may
have gotten away with these stereo type jokes. Maybe not.

Times change. Now men/husbands are made fun of. Whether it's men or
women who are the butt of stereo type jokes, it's never offended me, or
my wife.

Stereotypes last because they are accurate observations that hold true
in the majority of instances.

Some need to stop taking everything so seriously.

Now, I'd like to see some jokes about men. Anyone?
 




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